Drugs and other dirty laundry

So I had a friend question me yesterday about how we ended up with custody of Madilyn and if we knew why she is the way she is.  I realized at that moment that I need to "air the dirty laundry" in order for this blog to serve the purpose I want............my daughter and her husband were having serious marital issues that come along with being young and not completely grasping the whole picture when it came to Madilyn's care.  I won't speak of the father out of respect to him and his family but I will spill the tale of my daughter.  When we obtained full custody of Madilyn and I started interacting with her doctor's they all had the same question, "what drugs was the mother using while she was pregnant?"  I was shocked and horrified by this because the mommy in me wanted so desperately to believe that my child would never do this............what I wanted to believe and my reality are world's apart.  My daughter has since admitted to smoking pot and taking caffeine pills during the pregnancy.  What we believed was a genetic incompatibility between mom and dad may not be so.  We will live our lives wondering is it truly just a genetic incompatibility? Is it the drugs? or is it pure fluke of nature?  Did the dandy walker cause the chromosome abnormality or vice versa?  The doctor's in Milwaukee tell us there is no way to ever have answers to these questions but knowing the type of drugs used is vital in setting the therapy and intervention path.  It was my daughter's issues with drug abuse that led to us having Madilyn in our care. I tried everything I could to get help for her and that is not the path she has chosen....I know she loves her daughter but I also know she is not capable of doing what is best for her right now.  I pray a lot now, I never used to.........I pray that Madilyn has a happy, healthy life and that my daughter will someday deal with her demons and that the drugs will be part of her past.......I pray that I will someday have a real relationship with her again....I miss her every day and love her with all my heart..flaws and all she is my child.

This is not the path I would've chosen for myself at this point in my life but I believe it is the path I was meant to be on.  Madilyn is an absolute blessing in our lives and I believe every child deserves every chance possible to be the absolute happiest they can possibly be and if by sharing our story I can stop one person from using drugs or help another parent/grandparent learn the value of patience/compassion then it is all worth it.  I am learning through all of this to not be quite so harsh/judgmental............I pray that people don't judge my daughter.......they are her demons and choices to live with, not ours.  Some people may wonder why I chose to put this out there for the whole world to see.....I believe that everything happens for a reason and that Madilyn is here to teach us all something.  I also was raised to believe that if you do something, own it, if you said something, admit it.........basically own your actions or else they will come back to bite you in the butt.  We live in way to small of an area to attempt to keep "secrets" like this and keeping the truth a secret does not benefit anyone at all........so I chose to put it out there for the whole world in hopes that one less baby is born from a pregnancy complicated by drugs......that one less person will give us the odd looks when we are tube feeding Madilyn in Walmart.

I used to look at babies like Madilyn and think "oh, those poor people".........now I look and think "oh, how sweet".  The lives we see at Children's Hospital in Milwaukee make us very very thankful for what we have because it could be 1,000 times worse.  When we are there we talk with other parents about specialist offices like most of you talk about grocery stores.  I am medically very knowledgeable now...I even impress myself sometimes with all the things I have learned.  I am trained to change a g-tube (mic-key) button, check to make sure a shunt is functioning properly and can program any feeding pump you toss my way.  After raising 3 children of my own I finally know how to properly install/fit a carseat (a little late I know...) I am the master of medications, side affects and nebulizer breathing treatments.  Most importantly through all of this I can finally say that I truly know the meaning of unconditional love.......I always believed I already knew what that meant...........now I know I do......